Saturday, June 16, 2012

Bruce - The Shark

The mechanical shark used in the movie Jaws was nicknamed Bruce, named after Spielberg's lawyer.

GOD

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well .........?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38" DD bust, 24" waist and 34" hips.
When she walks into a room, everybody says, "Oh My God."

Creation

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth... After that, everything else was Made in China.

Singing at Home

Wife: Why do you go out in the balcony, when I start singing.
Husband: Because the people would think I am beating you.

After Surgery

A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache.

Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it.

The doctor assured the nurse, "Don't worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of anesthetic."

New Bank Teller

"I hear the bank is looking for a new teller."

"I thought they just hired a new teller last week."

"Right. That's the one they're looking for."

Mississippi River

54.On December 16th 1811 the mighty Mississippi river began to flow backwards due to a powerful earthquake.

IRS

10.In the United States, the Internal Revenue Service employees handbook for the collections division unit has instructions which guide employees on how to collect taxes after a nuclear war. Scary!!!

Friday, June 15, 2012

Waking Up

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

Thumb Rule

Before invention of the thermometer, brewers used to check the temperature by dipping their thumb, to find whether it was appropriate for adding Yeast. Too hot, the yeast would die. This is where we get the phrase " The Rule of the Thumb".

GOLF

In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden.... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

2004 Oscar Nominees for Best Actor

Clint Eastwood was the only nominee for the Best Actor Oscar in 2004 to play a fictitious character. All four other nominees portrayed real people in their respective films.

The other nominees that year were:
Leonardo DiCaprio – The Aviator
Johnny Depp – Finding Neverland
Don Cheadle – Hotel Rwanda
Jamie Foxx - Ray

Steve McQueen - The Legend

Steve McQueen was good enough to be considered a class three Black Belt in martial arts. However, he never had his skills tested for fear of being sued if he actually hurt someone. His personal instructors included Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris.

Although he was the highest paid star of the 1960s, he had a reputation for being tightfisted. On some films he would demand 10 electric razors, and dozens of pairs of jeans. It was later found out he gave this stuff to Boys Republic, a private school and treatment community for troubled youngsters, where he spent a few years himself.

During his time in the Marines, he saved the lives of five men in the Arctic after a transport ship struck a sandbank during a training exercise. Due to this dramatic event, he was greatly rewarded by becoming part of the honour guard protecting Harry S Truman's yacht.

Proxima

Proxima Centauri is the nearest star to us after the Sun

Rancher John

Old ranch owner John farmed a small ranch in Montana. The Montana Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his workers and sent an agent out to interview him.

'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the agent.

'Well,' replied old John, 'There's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.'

'That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,' says the agent.

'That would be me,' replied old rancher John.

Interesting facts about Birthday

19 million other people share a birthday on the same day as you.

When 22 football players and a coach are playing in the field, even though there are 365 possible birthdays, the possibility, that two people have a birthday on the same day, is 50% !!!

More people are born in period from September 22 to October 5 in the United States than any other days. It holds a not-so-surprising significance, as conception would have fallen on Christmas holiday and New Year's Eve.

The early Christians rejected the practice of birthday celebration as pagan tradition of astrology! Orthodox Christianity even now prefers the celebration of name days only.

Modern birthday parties and celebrations by children (Kinderfeste) mainly came from Germany, where the birthday child received gifts, chose a menu, and received a candle-ringed butter or jam cake.

The song "Good morning to You" was composed by two sisters, Mildred and Patty Hill, in 1893, but nobody paid much attention to it until the original words were changed to "Happy Birthday to You".

Best known birthday in the history is that of Jesus Christ. For 2000 years since the birth of Jesus in Bethlehem, Christians have been honoring the day as Christmas.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Mercury

The temperature on the surface of Mercury exceeds 430 degrees Centigrade during the day, and, at night, plummets to minus 180 degrees centigrade.

Four Innings in a Day

The second day of the Lord's test match between England and West Indies in 2000 is the only time in the history of test cricket that a part of all 4 innings have been played on the same day. England won the match by 2 wickets.

Human Bones

Did you know that there are 206 bones in the adult human body and there are 300 in children (as they grow some of the bones fuse together).

To Absent Brothers

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender says to him, 'You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.' The Irishman replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together.

'The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.' The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a lights dawns in his eye and he laughs. 'Oh, no, ' he says 'Everyone is fine. I've just quit drinking!

Question by a student !!

If a single teacher can't teach us all the subjects,
Then...
How could you expect a single student to learn all subjects?

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Anaesthesia

When anaesthetic was used for the first time in childbirth in 1847, the mother was so amazed and relieved at how painless the birth was that she named her child Anaesthesia.

It's a funny game

OMINOUS OLYMPICS
Cricket has only ever appeared in the Olympic games twice. The first time was in 1896 in Athens; however, there were not enough teams to truly compete so the competition never occurred. Once again, in 1900, cricket made a reappearance in the Paris Olympics but only 2 teams were able to compete: Great Britain and France. The winner, Great Britain, received the gold medal.

FIRST FACE-OFF
Geoff Boycott was the first cricketer to face a ball one-day cricket history. Graham McKenzie was the bowler.

BORROWED CENTURY
Shahid Afridi’s epic 1996 37-ball century, the fastest in one-day history at the time, was actually scored off Waqar Younis’ borrowed bat!

MANKAD MADNESS
There is a special style of dismissal known as the Mankad and it is named after Indian bowler Vinod Mankad. It involves the running out of the non-striking batsman when he leaves his crease by the bowler before the ball has been delivered. Vinod used this method often, instead of warning the batsman as was custom at the time, so the name stuck.

TV WICKETS
In 1992, Sachin Tendulkar became the first ever batsman to be run out after the third umpire consulted TV replays. Jonty Rhodes was the fielder. The next day, in the same test match, Rhodes was run out in the exact same way by Sachin. Talk about tit for tat!

LONG-LASTING BATTERY POWER
West Indian fast bowler Courtney Walsh was nicknamed Duracell for his ability to bowl extremely long spells.

SYDNEY MAGIC
After scoring 277 runs at the SCG in 1993 vs. Australia Brian Lara named his own daughter Sydney!

STUMPED BY A WHACKO WICKET
English shepherds, considered to be the first to discover cricket, used to play in front of a tree stump. Hence the origins of the term "stump." As the game progressed, they moved to sometimes playing in front of a wicket-gate, which led to the term “wicket" being coined.

Quotes

The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.
-Robert Frost

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse
-Dennis Miller

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
-Edgar Bergen

Doing nothing is very hard to do...you never know when you're finished.
-Leslie Nielsen

The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job.
-Slappy White

It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.
-Muhammad Ali

I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
-Jerome K Jerome

In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.
-Helen Rowland

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
-Rita Rudner

When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.
-Molly McGee

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
-Bob Hope

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
-Sir Norman Wisdom

People say that age is just a state of mind. I say it's more about the state of your body.
-Geoffrey Parfitt

One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
-Edgar Watson Howe

Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.
-Samuel Butler

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
-Andy Rooney

Generous Lawyer

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Noble Metals

The eight 'Noble metals' — ruthenium, rhodium, palladium, silver, osmium, iridium, platinum and gold — do not rust.

The British Royal Family

Britain's present royal family was originally named Saxe-Coburg and Gotha. The name was changed in 1917, during WW1 because of German connotations. The name Windsor was suggested by one of the staff. At the same time the Battenberg family name of the cousins to the Windsors was changed into Mountbatten.

The Peace Symbol

The peace symbol was created in 1958 as a nuclear disarmament symbol by the Direct Action Committee, and was first shown that year at peace marches in England. The symbol is a composite of the semaphore signals N and D, representing nuclear disarmament.

Wedding Colors

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why the groom wearing black?"

Monday, June 11, 2012

The First Patent

In two hundred years of existence, the U.S. Patent Office has issued nearly five million patents, which together document the greatest industrial development in human experience.

How did it all start? To whom and for what was the first U.S. patent issued?

Samuel Hopkins, of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania [Pittsford, Vermont], received Patent No. 1 on July 31, 1790, for an improvement "in the making Pot ash and Pearl ash by a new Apparatus and Process." The patent was signed by President George Washington, Attorney General Edmund Randolph, and Secretary of State Thomas Jefferson. Only two other patents were granted that year, one for a new candle-making process and the other the flour-milling machinery of Oliver Evans.

Thank You Honey

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you.”

“My darling,” he replied, “I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”

Backup

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"
He answered, "Call for backup."

This is how cops train

A police department in the Philippines ordered a print of the movie Dirty Harry for use as a training film.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Pontifex

According to tradition, the first engineer to build a bridge across the Tiber in Ancient Rome was given the name Pontifex, meaning "bridge builder." The Pontifex was seen as someone who "connects" people, and that symbolism was so powerful that Roman high priests-including Julius Caesar-later adopted the title Pontifex Maximus. During the Roman Imperial age, the emperor was always the Pontifex Maximus. The title eventually passed from Roman emperors to the leader of the Roman Catholic Church. Today, the Pope still carries the title Pontifex Maximus.

Sardines

The canning process for herring was developed in Sardinia, which is why canned herrings are better known as sardines.

The Inimitable John Wayne

John Wayne and his drinking buddy, actor Ward Bond frequently played practical jokes on each other. In one incident, Bond bet Wayne that they could stand on opposite sides of a newspaper and Wayne wouldn't be able to hit him. Bond set a sheet of newspaper down in a doorway, Wayne stood on one end, and Bond slammed the door in his face, shouting "Try and hit me now!" Wayne responded by sending his fist through the door, flooring Bond (and winning the bet).

The evening before a shoot he was trying to get some sleep in a Las Vegas hotel. The suite directly below his was that of Frank Sinatra (never a good friend of Wayne), who was having a party. The noise kept Wayne awake, and each time he made a complaining phone call it quieted temporarily but each time eventually grew louder. Wayne at last appeared at Sinatra's door and told Frank to stop the noise. A Sinatra bodyguard of Wayne's size approached saying, "Nobody talks to Mr. Sinatra that way." Wayne looked at the man, turned as though to leave, then backhanded the bodyguard, who fell to the floor, where Wayne knocked him out by crashing a chair on top of him. The party noise stopped.